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  "I can't make any promises. But if there is something more you might like, what would it be?"

  "I don't understand what you're asking, Teddy."

  Teddy used the toe of his boot to kick fallen acorns off the edge of the deck. "In bed, I mean. I am asking what more you might want me to try to do for you. Until now, I haven't touched another man in, what, fifteen years, or something like that."

  "Just let it continue happening these next few nights. Please. That's all I ask. You don't need to do anything more."

  "Fine. Are you sure?"

  I took a deep breath and my eyes fell to the floor of the deck. Instead of kicking the acorns at my feet away, I used the edges of my shoes to gather them together in a pile, forming a hill. This conversation with Teddy led me to believe that our nightly encounters were not at risk of ending. Furthermore, he was earnestly asking me if there was anything else I desired. Why hold back now? But I wanted everything. I couldn't say that to him. I settled for a simple truth and tried to word it clearly enough that he wouldn't have a thunderous reaction.

  "Teddy, I am sure I need nothing more. If you are asking me for a dream-come-true scenario, well, I wonder what it would be like to have someone inside me. I haven't felt as comfortable with anyone else as I do with you. To try something as personal and new as that—as a man inside me—I would want it to be you, or someone just like you."

  Teddy tilted his head. "I can't promise that."

  "You don't have to promise anything," I replied.

  "We'll see, okay?" Teddy stood up, offered his hand and pulled me up from the chair, and we strolled down the hillside toward the winery, where he continued the tour and showed me how wine was made and served.

  Chapter 10

  That night Teddy arrived back at the garage house late after working long hours at his winery. Instead of television, I felt like reading. I was curled up on the reclining lounger under a throw blanket with a futuristic novel about a space station on Mars. Teddy began removing his clothes, tossing them on the couch, grumbling in a good-natured tone about a work dilemma he had been busy handling.

  "Did you get any supper?" I asked him. I inserted the bookmark into my novel and set it down.

  "I snacked some earlier tonight," he answered. He stood in the living area nude, glorious and magnificent, folding his clothes into a stack that he piled onto a cushion.

  "Let me whip up a sandwich or soup or something for you. I'm happy to do it while you're showering."

  Teddy smirked and walked to the bathroom. "I'd rather have your help in here."

  Teddy left the bathroom door open and turned on the shower head. It was strange because I didn't immediately react. I wanted to cook for him. His well-being was important to me. However, we had not showered together before. This would be a first. After my hesitation, I sprang out of the lounger and slipped out of my sweatpants, t-shirt, and socks. Steam had begun rolling and swirling out of the bathroom into the living area like an encroaching fog.

  Teddy's eyes were clinched shut as I stepped inside the shower with him. He was shampooing his hair and the suds spilled down over his eyebrows. His whole body glistened in the muted light. I started massaging his brawny shoulders and Teddy blissfully groaned and cocked his head, his tension dissolving from my touch. When I had finished exploring and rubbing the entire backside of his body, Teddy pivoted toward me. He pulled me closer, under the spurting jets, and kissed my forehead.

  I leisurely slid the hand-cut soap bar across his powerful body. It smelled faintly of driftwood and I wondered if it had been made on a farm by a local craftsman. I kneaded the lather into his skin, softening his muscles. I pressed myself into him and he kissed my forehead again. He pushed me back, momentarily, to look at my body. Next to him I felt pale and inadequate, but only for a flash, as I detected approval in his eyes. My erection poked against his manhood, which was lengthening and hanging low, as were his testicles, which I washed with tenderness.

  With our lungs full of hot moisture, and our bodies rinsed free of all soap residue, Teddy cranked the shower knob and shut off the water. He grinned, ran his fingers through my hair, and stepped out onto the floor mat. He offered me a hand, helping me out, and pushed my hand away when I reached for a towel. "Let's go upstairs now," he said, holding my wrist, "just like this."

  We dripped the entire way, across the floor and stairs, then into his bedroom. Instead of our usual routine, whereupon he would lie back on his bed, Teddy stood in the middle of the room with his feet wide apart. I turned off the light and dropped to my knees. Teddy grew instantly stiff from my roaming fingers and tongue. His fingers stroked the back of my neck and the sides of my head.

  Teddy led me to his bed and positioned me on my stomach, moistening his bed with the droplets of water still sliding off my skin. As he extracted supplies from his closet, I understood what could happen. Teddy was going to fulfill the desire I had shared with him on the wooden deck overlooking the historic river. I inhaled slow and refreshing breaths, doing everything I could to relax my body for him, though my heart pounded in my chest from the anticipation. I felt like crying from the joy and thrill of what was only moments away from finally happening, after all my years of wondering and dreaming of what it would be like to have a virile man penetrating me and using me for his pleasure.

  It crossed my mind that there had not been any alcohol on Teddy's breath. I would have noticed it during our shower. He was present, and concerned about me, without any impairment. This touched me more than I would have expected it to and I smiled, arched my back so that my rear end perked up, and offered myself to him. Teddy began with extraordinary kindness, lubricating my hole with a gel and pressing the tip of a finger against my rim. There was nothing rushed. He waited for me, and as I relaxed, and welcomed a portion of his finger inside me, he paused, letting me get accustomed to the sensations, then pushed in a bit more.

  Thankfully, so much time went by during this preparation that I finally offered no resistance. The pain subsided. Trusting his touch, and understanding he respected my body's limits, I did not fear him hurting me. He applied more lubrication, as needed, and demonstrated what it felt like to have his finger go in and out at various speeds, twisting, and moving in unanticipated ways. I occasionally hallucinated, forgetting his fingers and imagining Teddy's soul itself merging with mine. Giving me something of him, something I could keep forever. Something that could make me more of a man.

  I glanced back and saw Teddy kneeling between my legs. His manhood was as stiff as a column. "You're almost ready," he said.

  "I think I am," I replied with a voice so tranquil I wondered if he heard me.

  Teddy laid his full weight on top of me. Instead of immediately trying to get inside me, he rubbed his erection between the crack of my ass with firm humping motions. His breath surrounded my ear. His arms pressed against mine and his feet pushed my legs open wider. All of my self-consciousness evanesced and all I wanted was the complete joining of our bodies. I arched my back as far as I could, signaling my readiness. Teddy responded by sticking his tongue in my ear and I melted underneath him.

  He pushed his crown inside me and I roared inside from the breakthrough and the unexpected sting. He was now giving me so much more than a finger. Teddy gave me plenty of time to adjust and accept him, then slipped in gradually, testing my boundaries. I realized I was moaning and that Teddy was intently watching my facial expressions while nuzzling against my head and neck. He took his cues from my reactions, pulling back and pushing forward, based on all of my nonverbal cues. Several times the discomfort overwhelmed me, but there was no way I would stop this or cause it to end.

  It did not take long for the ache to be overcome by the emotional intensity of our connection. I had expected raw and primal fornication, but I realized I was most turned on by the attention and care Teddy was blessing me with, and I fought back tears.

  At one point he shifted the angle of the penetration, causing me a surge of elation, and I bu
cked my hips backwards and into him to plead for more. The jarring motion jolted Teddy past the point of no return. He rapidly mumbled my name, pushed his chin into my neck so that our cheeks were side by side, escalated his pace, and climaxed inside me. Lost in his own pleasure, he pounded into me with such sudden fury that I screamed out and grasped at the blankets with my hands. Teddy kissed my cheeks, regained his tenderness, and remained inside me while he softened, every pulsation magnified, validating me and thrilling me. I had done it. Finally. And it happened from, or with, I should say, a man who enraptured me like no one ever had before.

  Teddy pulled out and patted my hip, gesturing for me to flip over. I crawled onto my back and he poured lubrication into my hand. While I stroked myself, it still felt like Teddy was inside me, as my muscles hummed and recovered from the upheaval caused by the intruder. Teddy did not touch my erogenous zones further that night, nor did I expect that or need more from him. However, he did something so treasured and unanticipated that I almost stopped touching myself to smother his face with kisses. Teddy held my empty hand, squeezed, and didn't let go until I had blasted my seed with ferocity. The first two gushes rocketed over my head and a dozen more pelted my chest and stomach.

  Afterwards, we both laughed at the intensity of my orgasm. "Whoa, you're a world-class shooter, my friend," he said in amazement, wiping away the two globs I had banged onto his headboard.

  "Sorry about that." I responded with pride, not regret.

  "Never apologize for being special."

  Teddy handed me the towel and I cleaned myself up. He sat at my feet and rested his hands on my knees. We stared at each other in the dark and remained nude.

  "You survived your first time," Teddy said.

  I chuckled and folded my hands over my chest. "If anyone could have heard me hollering, they would have thought you were killing me in here."

  "I got carried away."

  "No, you were perfect, beyond anything..." I felt emotion welling up and stopped speaking until I had regained my composure. "Thank you, Teddy."

  "I wanted to last longer for you," he said.

  I hoped to end any lingering uneasiness he had about his abilities to withhold orgasm. I think what I said was exactly right and put the issue to rest. "That was all I could handle, Teddy. Your sensitivity, both in your patience and your body, turns me on like nothing ever has before."

  Teddy smiled and laid on his bed at my side. We both gazed at the beams in the ceiling and our arms and legs brushed together.

  "What did it feel like?" he asked.

  I turned to look in his eyes. "Has a man been inside you before?" I inquired.

  "No. I fooled around quite a bit in the Army, but it didn't go that far."

  "I can show you tomorrow night."

  "Nah, that's okay, Kieran. I would rather be the one inside you. I am just curious what it felt like for you."

  I took my time collecting my thoughts and trying to put them into words. If I would have blurted out the first things that came to mind I would have spoken of rapture and bliss, of a near total end to my self-loathing and doubt, and of quenching a desire that I often thought was consuming me and driving me to insanity. But that would not have been fair to Teddy. The truth would have frightened him. I decided not to lie to him, not ever. At the same time, I was not going to unload things that he could not understand and that could lead him to thinking of me as pathetic. I tried for a measured response that remained honest to his question.

  "The sensation of being filled might be indescribable," I said. "The stimulation affected so many parts of my body, and eventually, the whole thing. I hadn't realized how important the connection was. It can't be just one guy thrusting into another. There is trust, and pacing, and goodwill. Plus, emotions too, and you put all this together and you can kind of understand what you did to me. Or, I should say, what you did for me."

  "Nice."

  I put the palm of my hand on his arm. "Can we please do it again?"

  "Not tonight." He laughed and playfully kicked my foot.

  "Tomorrow night?"

  "Sure."

  Chapter 11

  Sure enough, we were unstoppable during my final nights living in the garage building. The portion of the routine we continued was showering together when Teddy arrived home, which was typically after I had returned from my day in the conservation area and finished my evening jog.

  However, everything else was anything but routine. Teddy and I began having sex downstairs and out on the colonnade. He liked being inside me while I held still and got lost in the moonlight coming into the dark room from the windows or through the open archways on the colonnade. I loved Teddy swelling inside of me, throbbing to the brink, the edge, and then he would remain perfectly still so he could continue filling me.

  As my body could take rougher treatment, he showed me different positions. One of my favorites was on all fours at the base of the stone steps beside the building. Teddy entered and drove into me as I climbed upward on my hands and knees, trying to reach the top before he climaxed.

  On our final night together, Teddy treated me to dinner at the Italian restaurant. He looked so handsome sipping the wine I wanted to tell him, no matter who might overhear me. I kept my mouth shut and my feelings to myself. Thinking back over the time he and I had together, I realized that I was expressing myself with my body and my touch, not relying so much on words, fears, insecurities, or questions. I didn't ask Teddy for anything. No promises or plans for the future. I didn't want Teddy to lie. I didn't want to put him in the position where he might have to lie to me.

  We made love for the last time in my bedroom, on my bed. Instead of lying on my stomach, Teddy had me on my back. Hoisted over me, with my legs lifted and spread around his hips, he moved in and out of me while staring into my eyes. When I was bursting from sheer joy, he put my hand on my own erection, encouraging me to stroke myself to finish. He pushed in as deep as we both could handle and froze, throbbing, while I came and blasted out spasms of uncontrollable intensity, with countless gushes shooting onto the wall behind my bed. My contractions triggered Teddy's release and that is when he did something so unexpected I wanted to weep. He bent down and kissed my mouth while he emptied himself into me.

  Teddy slept in my bed that night. I woke with him laying at my side. He strummed his fingers up and down my arms.

  "Kieran, I have to go now."

  Chapter 12

  I didn't want to say goodbye to Teddy. I especially did not want to say or do anything that would taint the magical time we had shared together. So I couldn't tell him how much he meant to me or how I would think about him forever.

  "I have to go now and you still need to pack so you can leave later this morning and still get to your hometown before dark," he said.

  "I want to know you are always happy," I said. "Can we stay in touch?"

  "We will. Why don't you plan on coming back in a year, next August? We can spend a weekend together."

  "Are you serious?"

  "I'll take you boating or on one of those helicopter rides up the river."

  I lifted onto my elbows. "I'll be here, count on that, unless you change your mind."

  "I won't change my mind, Kieran. We could make this an annual thing, a visit each August, until it runs its course. You never know when you may meet your partner, or when I meet someone and get married and finally have kids, or a new job takes you even farther away."

  "I would love that."

  "You're a very special young man and I don't want you to ever doubt that again."

  Moisture welled in my eyes. I didn't cry, but I couldn't speak.

  "Please listen to me," Teddy said. He opened his hand and revealed his vintage gold medallion with the embossed falcon. I looked at his neck and noticed that his gold figaro chain there was bare. He had removed the medallion and strung it on a silver chain.

  "Teddy, no, I can't take it."

  "I asked you to listen to me." Teddy put the medallio
n around my neck and latched the chain. "This isn't a gift of money. It's a gift for security. It was given to me when I was back from the Army and struggling in college and unsure of my future. She was not my lover. She was a generous family friend with valuable wisdom. Her name isn't important to you, so I won't mention it. But her words to me were life-changing and I want to share them with you. She told me that most of the obstacles we have in life are self-imposed limitations. We act out of fear and choose the comfortable paths, losing our purpose and discarding our interests and passions. She said I could pawn the gold and rake in a small fortune for it. But doing so, I would diminish it, and thereby, diminish myself. Instead, she challenged me to think of her gift as it was intended—a safety net that could catch me if I chased my aspirations and temporarily fell short."

  I put my hand under the medallion and sensed its weight as Teddy continued.

  "Kieran, as I said to you many days ago, you're already on a path less traveled, on an admirable course," he said. "You said you want me to be happy. I will be satisfied if you further your pursuit of a meaningful life. This, the medallion, the gold, will be your safety net. Never sell it. Instead, feel its power. Wear it and know you have the ability to go for whatever you desire."

  "I will do as you say." Teddy's tone made it clear he was adamant about giving it to me. Questioning him further would have been useless and insulting. "I'll never sell it and I'll always remember you gave it to me."

  "Good. Believe in yourself and listen to it. Yes, that sounds funny, but listen to what it has to say. Eventually, you will feel capable of anything. It's transformative. Fortunately, her gift did everything for me that she wanted. I no longer need it. That is why it's yours now, with no strings attached. I'll never ask anything from you and I'll never ask for it back."

  "Teddy, I'm accepting your invitation to be back here in a year. You'll see it will still be around my neck."